Then I got married and had my first child, but I was still trying to keep the same pattern of schedules and do-it-myself attitude that I had kept as a single woman. I was lonely, exhausted, and resentful of the hand I felt I had been dealt.
All my life seemed to come to a crashing halt when I ended up in the hospital with what I thought was a heart attack--my heart was racing, the walls felt like they were closing in, and my mind was filled with thoughts of being alone and dying. I ended up in bed for 2 straight weeks and then spent the next year unable to go out of the house. There was nothing medically wrong with me but my body felt like it was shutting down. I thought I was losing my mind! Even the doctor thought it was maybe all in my head!
That experience brought me to a place of finding emotional and physical healing. Today I am not perfect, but I am more alive than I believe I've ever been! I am learning to let go of the things that don't matter or the things I can't control and learning to embrace life moment by moment. I'm learning to focus on what's important and prioritize my life and energy around those things. I call it "getting back to slow" because of the slow way time passed during the summers of my early childhood.
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